Why the Animal Crossing Villager is the most terrifying Smash Bros. character yet

By Luke Caulfield , Updated Jun 16, 2013 09:15 PM EDT
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I met him, twelve years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong, furniture collecting or plant...planting.

I met this villager, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent three years trying to reach him, and then another nine trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that villager's eyes was purely and simply...evil.

T'was a little over a decade ago I first stared into those eyes. Sometimes...that villager, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about that villager...he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he swings that axe, net, shovel...and those black eyes roll over white and then...then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'...

The village runs red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', Tom Nook and the rest of 'em, they all come in and they...rip you to pieces.

On Thursday morning, I bumped into a friend of mine, Chief from City Folk. Sophisticated fellow. Head of a fox. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the hole just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been sliced in half below his elegant umbrella.

Noon, the fifth day, Gracies's Car saw us. Swung in low and it saw us...It come in low and three hours later a big fat Taxi comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on an Able Sisters accessory again...

These eyes, they will deceive you, they will destroy you. They will take from you, your innocence, your pride, and eventually your soul. These eyes do not see what you and I see. Behind these eyes one finds only blackness, the absence of light. These are the eyes of a psychopath.

The darkest souls are not those which choose to exist within the hell of the abyss, but those which choose to move silently among us.

Inside every one us, there exists a dark side. Most people rise above it, but some are consumed by it. Until there is nothing left, but pure evil...Nintendo has brought that evil to light once again...

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