The Bizarre Breast Physics of Crytek's Ryse: Son of Rome [VIDEO]

By Luke Caulfield , Updated Dec 06, 2013 12:24 PM EST

Just an advance warning, we're gonna talk about boobs now, and in a fairly immature fashion, 'cuz that's how I roll.

For years, Tecmo-Koei has ruled as the tippie top of tittie titles, all thanks to its representation of mammaries with the "jiggle physics" in its DOA series. And if Cyrtek's Ryse: Son of Rome is the best that next-gen has to offer in the field of gaming ganzogas, no one's going to be taking un-seating Tecmo anytime soon.

Here's where things get a bit sensitive, despite the fact that just so happens to be the nature of the subject at hand. While there is a history, video games and sex don't often go hand in hand. Actually, the stereotype of gamers and developers seems to be that something else is placed in hand. Frequently. Traditionally while alone. Also sensitive, but not a breast.

I don't pretend to assume your familiarity on any level with the female body. But if you've bothered to play Son of Rome, or many other games for that matter, your first lesson should be that lady lumps don't jiggle like this.

Watching this, it's hard not to be transfixed, so much so that if anyone else saw you watching, they could almost see the question mark thought bubble above your head. Those things move more with each tiny step then her barely there outfit, almost like they abide by a completely different set of physics, independent of what they're attached to in any way, shape, or form.

The things are so damn reminiscent of Kuato in "Total Recall" I have expect them to tell Marius to start the reactor and free Mars.

When Ryse came out alongside the Xbox One, it's lone feature that stood a chance at redeeming its repetitive gameplay and jam packed QTE events that made it worth purchasing was that it was an utterly gorgeous game. But with this's like a big bassoon suddenly interrupting a beautiful piano melody with a wet, bassy fart.

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