'Pixels' Trailer Teaser Is What's Wrong With America, But We'll See The Video Game Movie Anyways [VIDEO]

By Steve Buja , Updated Mar 16, 2015 11:29 AM EDT
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"Check out the new teaser of the trailer for the upcoming Adam Sandler comedy directed by Chris Columbus."

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That sentence alone should have you wary. There are no less than three unforgivable sins present in that line, which can describe the summer blockbuster Pixels. The first and most egregious: a teaser for a teaser. How far have we fallen that we have to tease you about how we're going to tease you? Is there anything more endemic of the 'first, first, FIRST' mentality of the modern media cycle than dragging out the reveal of your "product" to "maximize" "brand awareness"?

The second and third sins are closely related. Adam Sandler can be a good actor - but not under the very workmanlike hands of Chris Columbus. Give him Apatow or Paul Thomas Anderson, but not the 'clock management' of Columbus, the guy who gifted the world the first two Harry Potter films. Oh yeah, those also happen to be the worst two Harry Potter films. Christopher 'Thoroughly Average' Columbus.

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Snark aside - thanks for reading - Pixels is right up our alley that we will obviously forgive it. The one-two-three punch of Sandler, directed by Columbus and co-star Kevin James is neutralized by the supremely awesome presence of Peter Dinklage, Brian Cox, Sean Bean (Game of Thrones reunion!) and the wonderful Michelle Monaghan. And it takes a page from Galaxy Quest - one of the best sci-fi comedies ever - and has a group of aliens wildly misinterpreting Earth's video games and then using them to invade us.

And it's up to a former video game champ to defeat them. Basically, it's all of our childhood fantasies, so I'll probably go see it eventually.

The ten second - TEN SECOND! - teaser features dramatic shots of California, the blocky Donkey Kong feet and the all too familiar sound of Pac-Man echoing throughout the streets like Mr. Stay Puft from Ghostbusters.

Pixels hits theaters on July 24. Full trailer tomorrow.

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