It's rare that you'll find an achievement list that's laugh-out-loud worthy itself. Oh sure, there plenty of funny achievements out there. I just got one that's a direct Bill Hicks quote while playing Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, and the otherwise lousy Darkest of Days has a 'Horse Puncher' achievement is exactly what it says on the tin, but for the most part there's not much thought put into them. Not so with South Park: The Stick of Truth, which has apparently sought to offend people before it's even released. Would you expect anything else?
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There's a few potential spoilers here but the story achievements seem to be hidden among the 11 secret achievements so you can check out the list worry-free. It seems like to do your best in the game and collect all the achievements and trophies on the way you simply have to go around farting on everything. It's going to be a hard game to 100% though, as there's a bunch of collectibles (Chinpokomon, costumes) and some directly conflict each other, like the one for being a horder and not selling anything throughout the game and the other for selling 500 junk.
One thing's for sure- your pants will not stay dry. Thanks to XboxAchievements for getting the list. South Park: The Stick of Truth hits March 4th in North America so make sure to check out the ridiculous new clips to have an idea of what you're in for.
New Kid On The Block - 15 Points
Join the KKK
First Day in South Park - 15 Points
Spend one day in South Park.
Gingivitis - 15 Points
Let Gingers bite you 3 times without blocking.
Day Walker - 15 Points
Defeat the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.
Made This for You - 15 Points
Fling a turd that you created at an enemy in combat.
Are We Cool? - 15 Points
Find Jesus while playing as a Jew.
Parkeologist - 15 Points
Open all garages in South Park.
For the Hoarder - 15 Points
Sell nothing the entire game.
Truth to Power - 15 Points
Fart on the Mayor, Father Maxi, Principal Vic, & Prime Minister.
Irritable Bowels - 15 Points
Shit your pants during a boss battle.
Dog Whistle - 15 Points
Fart on a canine enemy while in Gnome form.
Dragon Wrath - 15 Points
Hit 3 enemies with a single fart outside of combat.
Just Saying Hi - 15 Points
Fart on each available buddy in the game.
Re-Buttal - 15 Points
Interrupt 5 channel attacks with a fart.
Heisenberg - 15 Points
Defeat the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and the bald cap. (5)
Shutout - 15 Points
Successfully block every enemy attack in a single, non-tutorial battle.
Stay Down - 15 Points
Fart on 10 enemies in the world when they're knocked out.
Avenger - 15 Points
Defeat at least 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy is unconscious.
No Child Left Behind - 15 Points
Complete the game without ever ending a combat with a buddy knocked out.
Poco Chinpoko - 15 Points
Collect 5 Chinpokomon.
Chinpoko loco - 30 Points
Collect 15 Chinpokomon.
Chinpokolypse - 75 Points
Collect all the Chinpokomon.
Daddy Issues - 15 Points
Befriend your Dad.
More Popular Than Jesus - 30 Points
Befriend Half of South Park.
Junk Peddler - 15 Points
Sell 300 junk items.
Ass of Fire - 15 Points
Kill 20 enemies with Cartman's ass.
Canadian Handshake - 15 Points
Fart on people 100 times
Animal Cruelty - 15 Points
Fart on animals 25 times.
Pulling Mud - 15 Points
Shit Your Pants in battle three times.
Shopaholic - 15 Points
Complete half of the available costume sets.
Clothes Whore - 75 Points
Complete all available Costume Sets.
Friends in Strange Places - 15 Points
Befriend Crab People and Underpants Gnomes.
Weapon Proficiency - 15 Points
Score 100 perfect attacks.
Skilled Defender - 15 Points
Block 100 attacks.
You bastards! - 15 Points
Have Kenny Die 10 times in battle over the course of the game.
Mastery - 15 Points
Unlock all the upgrades for one of the New Kid's abilities.
Make it Rain! - 15 Points
Full Arsenal - 15 Points
Collect all the weapons and costumes available in the game.
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